Three months. Three months I didn’t run. Three months I ate whatever I wanted. Three months I fell of the fitness wagon. Three months I stopped believing in myself. Three months of lying to myself and others. Three freaking months. 

The least I can say is that I’m so ashamed. I avoided my needs, my priorities, my friends and family. Like I said I fell of the fitness wagon. Everyday, I avoided working out and eating right. I told myself, “don’t worry tomorrow is a new day” yet that tomorrow never came. I’m so embarrassed I want to cry. I want to cry because I gave up, I went back to my old ways of eating until I was sick. 

This time I will always be on guard. No more slip ups. I must not become to content with myself. This was a lesson of humility. I forgot that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I got cocky and thought I could handle it, I thought, “it’s been 5 months, things have changed…” No they haven’t and nor will they ever. I have and over-compulsive disorder that must not be forgotten. I must not forget it this time.

So here I am again, back at square 1. Tomorrow will be my first day again. I just have to get through tomorrow. One day at a time. Even one hour or down to the minute. Whatever it takes, I’m gonna fucking do it! Do you hear old self with no self control?????? I’m going to be the master of my body so help me God! 

Enough is enough.

-Shredandshed